You Know You're A Railfan When ....

It is below zero and snowing to beat the dickens and you come to a dead stop in the grocery store parking lot and stare up to watch a train go by.

You are reading a book about "choo-choos" to your kid and you stop to explain that they've got the side rods drawn all wrong.

You start criticiszing Mailboxes dressed up like steam locomoives at craft shows...

Somebody gets your kid a sweatsuit with a train on it and you stay up at night to "fix" the picture before you send him outdoors in it!

You are watching the Ruby Ridge (i.e. Idaho) TV mini series and note the UP train in northern California's Feather River Canyon!

You own your own locomotive!!!!!!!!

You always ask your wife to look the other way when passing over crossings and bridges to see if there is the glimmer of hope...

You sometimes mistake a distant streetlight for an oncoming headlight, even though the line's been gone since 1971

You have warbonnets on the brain!

The standard equipment for a car is two Nikons, eight lenses,  a brick of Kodachrome, a camcorder,  4 blank tapes, two tripods, employee timetables for every railroad in a 200 mile radius (500 mile radius out West), a scanner hooked into the car stereo with all AAR frequencies programmed in, and five railroad hats in the back window.

        And . . . if you are really overboard:  work gloves, steel toed boots, hard hat, safety glasses, and a reflective vest (for those occasions when you get permission to enter the property).

Your property backs up to an active mainline, your basement is full of trains, you work for a railroad, and you love your job.

You are doing 79 MPH on the three mile long HO Straight Line on Conrail's Southern Tier in a U34CH, and you think "...and they pay me for this..."

You wait on the Metro North (former New Haven) mainline for an hour and a half, watching everything electric go by and then "shooting" the Waterbury local that is pulled by a classic covered wagon in NH livery.

You watch the Packer game with the sound turned loud enough to hear, but just soft enough so you don't miss any transmissions on the scanner!

       ---or---

You're trackside and you have got your radio tuned to the Packer game, etc. (see above)

Your idea of going to the park is watching trains go by on the nearby track

Your son says, "let's go to the park" (thinking we'll play ball or something) and your idea of going to the park is watching trains go by on the nearby track.

You would rather watch a steam loco crawl then a good pair of nice legs on a tall blonde.

You don't remember any Latin, Math, or Chemistry from high school but you know every stop on Pacific Electric's Santa Ana line because there just happened to be a PE map under the glass on the desk where you were supposed to be doing your homework.

You sleep thru your alarm clock that is right next to the bed, but you wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of a rumbling freight train 1/2 mile away before it sounds its horn at the grade crossing!

You hang around your favorite railroad station so much that other people think you work there.

The railroad crew gets into the habit whistling when they are still a half-mile from the house, because you need the extra time get down to the track in one piece.

When your son (who's on time out) hear's a whistle and proclaims "Dad, that's the FEC freight. Let's go look."

You have the scanner patched through the stereo system of your car.

You have the scanner patched through the stereo system so I can hear it anywhere in the house.

It takes five days to drive from Michigan to Florida, 'cause you gotta follow either the CSX or NS main all the way, stopping at all the *hot spots* to watch and/or take pictures of the action.

.....it takes another five days to get back home doing the same thing all over again.

.....you do the above every year !!

Your kid thinks the Altoona Super8 is his other house!

You actually LOOK FORWARD to driving across Nebraska - on US30 ! 

You get hopes up while approaching a highway overpass, until you realize it is just a street light!

You and someone else arrive simultaneously at a store checkout counter and you promptly flag the other person ahead, saying "You got her, I'll hold here."

You're making a purchase at a store and you abandon it after hearing a familiar melodious hum, to run three or four blocks to the nearest crossing.

Your ancient car blows a torque converter 50 miles from home, and you rent a car and go on to your favorite "hot spot" anyhow!

You use your TV Mute button while watching the evening movie, so you can hear the sound of air horns at a distance grade crossing.

You are more attracted to a GP-38, than most females. (just gotta have a look at that machine, the girl'll just have ta wait!)

You tack your EJ&E hack onto the hind-end of a Florida-bound CSX freight.

On the golf course, you back away from a putt, after hearing a train blow for a crossing in the distance.

You sit at home learning for your exam in geology and you get distracted by all of the terms like Mesabi Range, Duluth gabbro, Taconite, Missouri lead belt, Hamersley Range, Rio Grande Rift, Mojave fault, et cetera.

You can change film while driving.

You accidentally rear-end another railfan during a "chase", then jump out and yell, "get the picture first!"

You see a car dive across a steam engine's pilot, and your first thought is "Not the new paint job!"

You pass over a silent crossing (no trains) and stop at the next traffic light instead of watching the light you look in the rear view mirror to see if anything may be coming to the crossing while you wait!! After all, the guy in the car behind you will tell you when the light changes.

You dream 20,000 coupons and a dollar for shipping and handling would get an SD80MAC!

Your boss finally gives up and starts working on the railcar that you're supposed to be working on if you weren't so busy taking pictures of it!


You Know You're A Model Railroader When ....

You build your layout around the water heater.

You're driving down a country road, you notice that you're subconciously deciding which shade of Woodland Scenics foam a tree is closest too.

You stop at an intersection and study the pattern a vine forms on a telepone pole and wires.

You view the world as a giant model railroad layout rather than the other way around!

You proudly show your wife the perfect addition to your railroad which you acquired for just a dollar or two, and she doesn't see the difference between it and a discarded candy wrapper.

A non-model railroad visitors to your layout ask where you found rocks perfectly proportioned to your layout, and you explain that they're not rocks at all, but plaster castings made from molds made from rocks. Then they ask why you don't just use real rocks, and, no matter how careful you explain it, they still don't get it.

While on vacation, you stop the car to take a picture of a rock ledge, rusty tin roof, etc., so you can refer to it while scenicing your layout, and the family becomes convinced you're nuts.



Thanks to all TrainNet users whom supplied these.  I only collected them and uploaded the file.

John McCarron