Following on from the successful reorganisations of the Railways, London Underground and the Air Traffic Control, it is being proposed that the same priciples shall be applied to the British Army. The Royal Navy and Royal Air Force are expected to follow.

The Army will be divided into 74 independent, inter-related units. The relationships between units will be on a customer - contractor basis. There will be four types of unit - Officer, Non-commissioned Officer, Other Rank and Auxiliary. The Officers will, as at present, be Gentlemen (and Ladies), with Senior Officers acting as Directors of their Companies. The NCO units will be staffed by Security Companies (eg Group 4) on long-term contracts. The other Ranks will be Self Employed Labour Only Subcontractors. Auxiliary functions such as Transport, Catering, Accommodation, Maintenance will be contracted out to private sector organisations with relevant expertise.

The structure will be regulated by the ci-devant War Office, renamed OffWar. The Admiralty will be resurrected as OffShip, and the Air Ministry as OffAir. The Marines will be informed.

This was intended as an April 1 joke, but parts of it have been leaked already into the real world, or at least to the Press.

Harold J Curnow (UK)